No Guilt
by BlackDiamonds.32.20.54
Summary: Never the less she never missed them. Sam would tell her that he loved her yet part of her heart ache as she remembers that she wasn't wasn't the only one he loved.
1. No Guilt

_**No Guilt**_

_**Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight **_

_**Summary- Never the less she never missed them. Sam would tell her that he loved her yet part of her heart ache as she remembers that she wasn't wasn't the only one he loved. **_

_**Some Slash. Emily/Sam and Sam/Jacob **_

Emily knew from the beginning. It hurt her, yes and it made her feel guilty. Emily walked over to the closet and gently pulled her clothes from the hangers. She folded up the clothes and slowly placed them into the suitcase. She walked out of the bedroom she shared with Sam and into the bathroom, she grabbed her hair supplies, her make-up and everything else that belonged to her. Sniffling Emily walked down the hall back into the cozy bedroom, she walked over to the bed where her suitcases laid. She walked over to the dresser picking up her perfumes and her jewellery, placing them into the smaller suitcase Emily glanced around the room trying to decide what else see needed. Wiping the tears that had fallen onto her cheeks she smiled sadly. Giving the room a second glance Emily grabbed the suitcases off the bed and dragged them out of the room and down the stairs.

Emily was not a stupid girl and she never appreciated when someone treated her like she was one. She had know from the beginning. She was very aware of the fact that Sam had imprinted on her and that he loved her, she in return loved him with all her heart. But suddenly things started to change, it was only small little things in the beginning, shy smiles, glances during meals, brushing hands, sly glances. Never the less she never missed them. Sam would tell her that he loved her yet part of her heart ache as she remembers that she wasn't the only one he loved.

**FLASHBACK.**

_Emily smiled to the song on the radio, it was full of so much happiness it could make anyone smile. She drove along the road heading back to the home she shared with Sam, she had spent the whole day out shopping for some much need groceries. She looked over to the cliff where she could sometimes see some of the pack members cliff diving, instead of seeing them she saw to big wolves up there. Glancing behind her to make sure no cars were coming Emily pulled over to the side watching the cliff to see what the wolves were doing. She could see Sam's black coat shinning in the fading afternoon sun, and she could only see the slight rusty colour of the small wolf. Emily watched as the bigger wolf nuzzled the smaller wolfs neck. It seemed like such an innocent gesture. She watched them, Sam eventually laid down and Jacob hesitantly cuddle up to the bigger wolf._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Emily remember the moment it had happened, it was still so clear in her head. Out of all the emotions that she should of experienced confusion, hate, anger, jealousy, hurt and denial, the one emotion she did feel surprised her, she felt content. When Sam had come home later that night bringing the rest of the pack with him, she allowed him to kiss her and hug her and hold her. The rest of the pack made grossed out mocking noises all except Jacob sat silently staring at the table. Emily served them all spaghetti, and when she placed Jacob's plate in front of him their eyes connected she smiled a happy smile at Jacob to make him feel less guilty.

From that moment on Emily watched the way the Sam acted towards Jacob and vice versa. Its hurt her to see the way the two acted. The way Jacob was so reluctant to even talk to Sam in front of her and how he would try to stay as far as possible away from Sam.

**_FLASHBACK_**

_Emily stood in front of her Uncles book shelves that decorated the walls of his study, the shelves were full of books on Imprinting and Werewolves in general._

_"What exactly are you looking for Em?" Harry Clearwater asked his niece as she started reading the titles of some of the books._

_"Just curious Uncle Harry." Harry nodded and left his niece in his study, Emily searched the shelves until she found one of Imprinting._

_"...Double Imprinting is a very rare occurrence. The only time a wolf can Imprint on another wolf who has already Imprinted is if the Imprintee is seriously ill and incapable of breeding children or if neither the wolf or the Imprint are happy..." Emily read the words aloud from one of the ancient books, the words seemed to be jumbled around in her head._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Emily had only weeks ago visited the doctor. She had been sick all that morning, the doctor asked her question which she answered. The doctor frowned over her answers, finally declaring that he wanted to do a blood test just as a precaution. Three days later the doctor called and asked her to come in so they could talk about the results.

**FLASHBACK**

_"Miss. Young, thank you for coming into see me. We have your test results back."_

_"And?" Emily asked the Doctor as she fiddled with the hem of her jacket_

_"Miss. Young you have leukemia." Emily let out a small breath. "The first thing I would like to do is run some tests tonight, then on Monday we'll start chemotherapy. We'll do that for two weeks, then give your body a chance to rest. I'd like you to stay in the hospital during the first round of chemo so we can see how you react to it."_

_"No. No I don't wan chemotherapy."_

_"Miss. Young I would like to suggest that that's not a very smart idea. The chemotherapy could save your life."_

_"Doctor, I would like to experience my life by living it for what it's worth. Leukemia has a survival rate of 5 percent and I'm okay with that, I wish to live whatever I have left of my life outside the walls of a hospital."_

_"Miss. Young –"_

_"Goodbye doctor." Emily cut the man off and left his office._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Emily never told Sam that she had ever been at the doctors. One week later one night she sat with the pack as they watched some movie that Jared had chosen. She watched from one of the couches as Jacob and Sam sat next to each other their arms slightly brushing. Emily tried to smile at the dopey grin on Jacob's face. Sam's radiated with a happiness that only Jacob could bring. After everyone had left Emily and Sam climb into their bed, sharing a kiss, the two fell into their respective places. Sam fell asleep instantly and Emily stayed awake. She wondered if she would be able to pack up and leave Sam. Finally she fell into a restless sleep.

So here she was packing up her stuff while Sam and the pack where out doing pack stuff. Emily grabbed a piece of paper out of the old desk drawer and a pen. Sitting down at the kitchen table Emily picked up the pen she gracefully wrote at the top of the paper

_'Dear Sam_

_I love you. Please remember that. I've known for a while now, and I'm not angry nor am I hurt. Please don't be afraid to be with Jacob and be yourself. This letter is so hard to write because I don't want you to feel guilty._  
_I've been reading some of Harry's books on Imprinting, I read that it is possible for two Imprint to accrue the man reason is if the Imprintee is ill, than another Imprint can accrue. Sam I have Leukemia. And I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a hospital, I wish to live my life. Sam I've seen the way you and Jacob act together you guys are so in love with each other and I have no intention to stop that. Please don't feel guilty about hurting me, because I'm not hurt, and I don't hate you. I'm leaving because I wish to spend whatever I have left of my life living it on a beach in the warm sun. I don't wish to be in pain nor do I wish for you or Jacob to be anymore pain than you have been lately._

_Sam please remember when you read all this that I do love you and I know you love me. You've made me so happy, please don't feel guilty for any of this there nothing you could have done to stop it. Let the pack help you, let Jacob heal you and allow them to be there for you. I don't wish to cause you pain but I wish for you to be happy._

_Forever I will love you with my heart, I'll watch over you and the pack._

_Live your Life, Live Laugh and Love._

_Forever in your heart_

_Emily.'_

Emily ignore the tears that ran down her cheeks, she put the pen back with a shaky hand and left the note on the table. She pushed the chair back under the table, slipping on a pair of shoes she grabbed her suitcases, she glanced at the small house once more before leaving out the front door.

_**I hope you enjoyed. The next chapter is more about Sam. **_


	2. Please No Guilt

_**No Guilt **_

_**Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight **_

_**Summary- She followed standing in the doorway watching as Sam phased into a large black wolf, she braced herself, Sam let out a pain filled howl into the empty air alerting everyone of the death. **_

_**Slash- Sam/Jacob Mention of Sam/Emily**_

Sam slowly rolled out of the bed he had once shared with the love of his life Emily, but she had left. He groaned at the small ache in his chest from when she had left. Walking though the empty house, Sam finally made it to the kitchen, he made some coffee and was just about to sit down to have a drink when the front door burst open and Leah ran in. Sam braced himself for the news.

"They found her."

"Where?" Sam asked Leah his grip on the cup tighten, he placed it on the table.

"Florida, she died on the beach under the sun." Leah answered. "I'm sorry Sam." Sam nodded, Leah watched as the young man walked out the back door she followed him standing in the doorway watching as Sam phased into a large black wolf, she braced herself, Sam let out a pain filled howl into the empty air alerting everyone of the death. Leah walked out and phased herself letting out her own pain filled howl, soon other howls were heard in the distance. Resistance of La Push heard the howls, they each bowed their heads in a respect filled silence.

Later that week everyone close to the family of Emily had been informed of a bonfire that would be held in her honour.

"Sam we're sorry for your lose." Billy told him earning a small smile from Sam before leaving to offer his condolence to the Clearwater family. Sam took a sip out of his drink, he looked around at the pack all sitting around the fire. Jacob chose not to sit with them instead he settle for a piece of drift wood a little further down the beach sitting next to Leah. Sam hadn't spoken to the younger wolf since the night he found the note.

**FLASHBACK**

_Sam ran through the forest in his wolf form, he was running patrol with Jacob and Embry. The whole pack knew about Jacob imprint on Sam and they accepted it and kept quiet._

_'Sam I'm going to take off now.' Embry told his alpha_

_'Yeah go ahead.' Embry ran off in the opposite direction leaving the couple behind. Sam walked over to the smaller wolf and bumped him with his larger frame slightly. Jacob let out a playful bark._

_'Wanna play pup?' Jacob whined as he felt Sam nip his neck. Jacob phased back to his human form followed by Sam. Jacob blushed and pulled on some shorts, Sam let out a growl before pulling on his own._

_"You should get home to Emily." Jacob reminded his Alpha when Sam started licking his neck._

_"I know." Jacob smiled and moaned into the kiss._

_"I don't like hurting her." Jacob whispered he had been feeling horrible, every time Emily smiled that warming happy smile at him his chest ache in guilt._

_"I know you don't and I don't like hurting her either. I'm going to tell her soon Jacob I promise. I really don't want to hurt her." Sam told the younger man placing a kiss on his lips. "I better go home."_

_Jacob nodded and watched as Sam phased and ran towards the home he shared with Sam._

_Sam entered the house he called out to Emily surprised she wasn't in the kitchen baking something._

_"Emily!" He called into the empty house fixing the waistband on the shorts "Em!" He was about to walk into the living room when something on the table caught his attention._

_'Dear Sam... _

_Forever in your heart_

_Emily.'_

_Sam let the letter fall from his grip, he felt the hot tears on his cheeks, he felt the horrible ache in his chest. Sam stalked out of the back door ripping his clothes when he phased, as the pain filled howl filled the air, every Quileute member could feel the pain echo in the howl._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

Sam barely listened as he heard the pack members share memorise of the times with Emily. Sam's heart ache in his chest, he loved Emily so much and he could even tell she had been sick because he was too busy being with Jacob. He remember ever special moment he shared with Emily, the first time her met her, the first time they kiss, the first time she smack him, the first time they went on a date, the first he told her he love her, the first time she told him that she love him, the first time they made love, first time he attacked her, the first time they talk about him being a wolf and some many other amazing memories, Sam felt the dry thump appear in his throat, the tears in his eyes were making it hard to see. He tried to blink away the tears when he felt someone join their hand with his, he could only barely make out the form of the female wolf, Leah.

"They are going to burn the fire now." Leah told him squeezing his hand, Sam nodded the two stood up and joined where everyone was gathered around the huge fire.

_"Torn so young." _Billy started,

_"Forever live by our sides."_ Harry continued

_"We give the grace." _Another Elder continued

_"Make her spirit soar high."_

_"Roam free in the skies."_

_"With theses flames we wish you goodbye." _The three elders finished the pray together, Harry grabbed a handful of some type of powder, he threw it into the bright orange yellow flames making them change to a bright blue and beautiful purple colour.

"Rest in Peace Emily Young." Everyone coursed together, everyone held their silent watching the flames listening to the cries of Emily's mother.

Everyone wandered away from the fire giving Emily's parent some time to grieve. Sam let go of Leah's hand and walked back to the log where he had been sitting. He buried his head in his hands finally allowed everything to collapse down on him, he let the tears roll down his cheeks as he sobbed in to his hands.

"Sam." he barely heard his name being whispered before warms arms where wrapped around his shoulder pulling him towards a warm body. Sam fell into Leah embrace crying in her chest, he lost Emily. The love of his life died.

"Sam, Emily loved you but her heart would break if she saw you hear crying mourning her death. She wanted you to be happy after she died." Sam pulled himself out of Leah's embrace, he wiped his cheeks before glaring at Leah.

"How could you say that? She hasn't even been gone for two weeks. And what? Here you are telling me to practically go off and fuck Jacob. You are more of a cold heart bitch than I thought." The loud crack that filled the air, seemed to have gained the attention the pack members, Sam grabbed his cheek where Leah had slapped him. Her flaming eyes glared holes right through Sam, making him feel like a child.

"You self son of a bitch. Emily died, I know that but she asked for one thing from you, and that to not push Jacob away to let him heal you. She did not want you to feel guilty over her death. Sam have you even spoken to Jacob? Cause I have and you want to know something? Jacob is hurting almost if not more than you are at this moment. He can feel the pain, the self loathing, the guilt he can feel it all, that you carry and its hurting him." Leah rubbed her eyes in frustration "Don't turn away from him now, this imprint is killing him and he needs to be able to help you while helping himself as well. Please Sam go heal you imprint. And let him help you."

Sam stared at Leah for a while before looking at his other pack members.

"Cliff." Jared supplied, Sam nodded and took off running in the direction Jared mentioned. Once Sam reached the cliff his phased back to his human form, he walked through the mossy land until he could see Jacob's form sitting at the top of the cliff.

**FLASHBACK**

_Sam was walking with Emily down along the beach. The two were holding hands just enjoying the sun that had made an appearance today. Sam leaned down and placed a kiss on Emily's head making her smile. Emily smiled as Sam twirled her around. Off in the distance they could just her the distressed sound of a howl._

_"Go." Emily told him smiling a happy smile towards him. Sam placed a kiss on her scar before placing one on her lips._

_"Jacob just phased. See you later." Emily watched as Sam took off in the direction of the Black house._

_Sam phased once he reached the Black house, he wince when he heard Jacob yelling at Jared and Paul in his head as the two wolves tried to calm the younger one down._

_'Silence. Jacob it's about time. Welcome to the pack.' Jacob looked at him when he approached the three. And just like that everything shifted, Jacob felt the pull everything around him disappeared except for the large black wolf in front of him. When everything around him returned to normal, Paul, Jared and Sam stared at Jacob with wide eyes._

_'What?' he growled but it came out more of a pain whimper_

_'We have a lot to explain.' After Sam had explained everything to Jacob, the two talk agreeing to just let whatever happened happen, Sam walked into the house he shared with Emily. He gave her a hug and kiss and told her how much her loved her._

**END OF FLASHBACK**

"Are you going to just stand there and stare or are you going to join me?" Jacob's voice broke the silence between them, Sam walked over to where Jacob was taking a seat beside him.

"I'm sorry." Sam apologized looked over at the dark water in the distance.

"For what?" Jacob asked turning his attention to Sam.

"For not comforting you, or talking to you or loving you lately. It's just I was planning to tell her than I found out that she left and now she is dead and I don't quite know how to handle it all. I want to be able to love you and be happy but its so hard because I feel guilty about being happy when Emily is gone –"

Jacob cut off Sam's jumbled words by silencing the older male with a solid kiss.

"Please let me heal you. Please let me be there." Jacob whispered against his lips before kissing him again. Sam slowly broke the kiss and stood up pulling Jacob with him.

"Sam what-"

"Shh, just don't think." Jacob nodded and laced his fingers with Sam. The two stared down at the dark blue water below them.

"Cleansing away the guilt." Sam told the younger male, Jacob nodded and squeezed Sam hand. Sam pulled Jacob into a passionate kiss and the two jumped.

_**I hope you enjoyed the story. I did. **_


End file.
